homesick

Yesterday was a difficult day in the ville of forests. I am terribly homesick, and am experiencing this push-pull thing from Virginia again. I am lonely here, I don't have any friends, I don't know if there are even any friends to be had here, and I am a little heartbroken.

Before my shift at work, I was sitting on a bench by the water, when a little girl, probably about 5 or 6, appeared out of the forest and sat down right next to me on the bench. She looked at me in curiosity as I was crying, and then tapped my shoulder and handed me a pistachio. I managed to blubber a "no, thank you" through my tears and then she rubbed my shoulder and skipped off. It was a wonderful moment.

Only a few minutes later, as my new boss was opening up the bar, he asked me what was wrong. Of course, as soon as you think you have collected yourself enough to be out in public, all someone has to do is ask you what is wrong, and you completely fall apart. Kevin, whom I have only known for about two four hour shifts, gives me the biggest hug I can ever remember receiving, poured me a beer and told me to explain it all. Another wonderful moment.

This hug thing was an especially big deal for me. I hadn't been hugged in such a long time.

A friend of mine once told me a story about how she experienced a period in her life where she was so desperate to be touched that she would walk out into large crowds just so she could "accidentally" bump into people. I don't want to reach that point, I might start hugging my bar customers...

Its so funny how since I have been away from home each day my emotions have turned into San Francisco weather. One day will be bright and sunny and 70 degrees, the very next day will be grey and raining and 50 degrees. Hopefully today will be better than yesterday, and the next day will be even better than today.