anniversary!

It has been a year since I left home. It is very difficult for me to believe where I have been, what I have done, and who I am now.

My blog name is completely obsolete now. Obviously San Francisco wasn't the ending or the answer- at this point I am not sure there ever will be any endings or answers.

I can so clearly remember the day I decided to keep moving. I was sitting in a coffee shop on Mission Street drinking a frozen Chai tea writing in my journal about how miserable I was. During a particularly uncomfortable Chai milkshake induced brain freeze, I realized that I COULD leave. Now it seems so strange that this didn't occur to me immediately, but at that moment it seemed like such a brilliant realization. I was so scared to leave Jack and to be alone, completely clueless as to where I should go, and utterly terrified by the thought of a completely uncertain future.

For as long as I can remember I have planned everything out very carefully. I had calculated my whole life by the time I was about 10 years old. Its almost embarrassing to admit now, but I had every milestone planned by its corresponding age (complete education by 25, marry at 28, first child at 30, etc.) I knew what I wanted my future home to look like from shutters to paint colors, my career planned precisely, and a neat list of all the places I would travel during my alotted vacation days.

Now, I practically live out of a perpetually rolling minivan, have somewhat of an idea of what will happen tomorrow and maybe a few days after that, and only myself to answer to. I still have a hard time completely removing myself from the mindset that I have to have everything figured out all the time, but as a whole- my, my, how things have changed.

I leave for New York in a week, and I am going to try and write on this thing more often. I removed my facebook page when I realized how much time I was spending on it and how ridiculous the whole thing was (do I really care what a girl I sat across from in middle school and spoke to three times is eating for breakfast?! And no, just because there are new girls commenting on his pictures doesn't mean he is going to marry and have babies with any of them). It probably won't be gone forever, but for the time being this will be my only place for pictures and explanations of where I happen to be at any given point in time.

Oh yeah, 73,000 miles driven in one year. Wow, right?!