things i have been doing

Just as an update (for anyone who cares), here is how I have been spending my job-less time in Portland:

1. Satellite Cafe--- I almost live at this coffee shop called the satellite cafe. Its right around the corner and for some reason I cannot do any good writing unless I am there.

2. Writing---Speaking of writing, I am continuing to write on a daily basis, but am beginning to become frustrated because I cannot escape this one particular vignette-y style that I have.

3. Parking--- Not really parking, like as in a car, but I have been spending a lot of time at various parks around the city. See, pretty soon its supposed to start raining, (for six months straight!) so I am trying to take advantage of the sun and the vitamin E while I can.

4. Riverview Cemetery--- Its quite a nice cemetery, nothing compared to what the East Coast has to offer, but nice nonetheless.

5. Rupalking--- That's my new word for the action that occurs when I go out for a "run." I am still not quite over this whole awful pneumonia thing, and I am also terribly out of shape. So, when I go for a "run," its more like a running/panting/walking thing (Ru/pa/alking); it looks quite pathetic, I am sure.

6. Old friends---  I had coffee with Anne Sires last week, and went and heard TC play a show last weekend. Both of them seem to be doing really well. TC's voice still gives me goosebumps and I grew really homesick after the show.

7. Shopping--- I am a little paranoid about money these days, so most all of it has been window shopping. Portland has the most amazing vintage clothing stores.

8. Listening--- Lately, I have been going back through all of my older music. I am re-obsessed with Joanna Newsome and the Hours soundtrack, especially. I have some new favorites as well: The Jezabels, Dr. Dog, the xx, Beach house, and Warpaint.

9. Reading--- Dave Eggers short stories, Alice Munro's short stories, Mark Strand's poetry.

10. Watching--- Alice (the Woody Allen one) and Auntie Mame are two of my favorites as of lately.

11. Sleeping--- I sleep in til 10:30 most mornings (what else have I got to do?)

TO DO:
*Copy old images from disc to put on my website
*Go to Powells (I know, its weird I haven't been yet)
*Continue the above mentioned activities

I have been spending a wonderful amount of time alone. Sometimes I wonder if its such a good thing, what if I get so used to being alone that I start rejecting people all together? I know someone who would respond to that question with something similar to "what if an alligator flies into your bedroom at night and eats you?!"

My aforementioned concern is not really a real concern; I just like being hyperbolic, that's all.

Oh yeah, here is me writing at Mount Tabor Park:

Once a year she remembers that she is insignificant. Then she forgets again, because more than she is insignificant, she is forgetful.

Lately, I have spent a lot more of my time actually writing than just thinking about writing. My confidence in my ability to write is slowly growing.

I have so much time on my hands here since my class only meets once a week and I am job-less. Its been a week full of walking, writing, reading, and watching. I have been a little lonely, but only because I am in a city now, and thats what cities do to me. I spent so much time alone in Forestville, completely content with only my own company. Now that there are people everywhere around me, I feel the need to engage with them almost constantly. 

I have met some good ones here, and I am sure I will continue to meet more. 

I have applied to several resorts in Montana for work while I am there. The only problem is that if I were hired at any of them, I would probably not be able to return home for Christmas. 

Speaking of home, I have decided that October will be too soon to return. I don't know why the thought of visiting Virginia is so terrifying, but I am not willing to do anything right now that doesn't sound wonderful. 

Micmacs

I spent my second day in Portland in bed trying to fix my lungs which I unfixed while drinking and riding around on a motorcycle the night before. I, of course, also had my usual get- to- a- new- city- and breakdown- thing. This time I was upset for maybe 2 hours. Forestville was three days, San Francisco was a week, so maybe my arrival in the next new city will only include a few moments of tears and anxiety. I am obviously getting better at this whole thing.

I spent a large portion of that day on the phone with G, where we had one of first honest conversations. This is not to say that there are any resolutions to my predicaments, but I am somehow now satisfied with the unresolve. I feel understood, I understand him, and I have a lot of hope that there will be a beautiful friendship in our future.

Yesterday, I pulled myself out of bed around noon (I am still wheezing, this whole pneumonia things is getting ridiculous) and spent some time with Alex! Now, I haven't hung out with a girl my age in over three months. Sure, I have spent time stealing crayons from a rival park with Olivia the thirteen year old, and watched Antiques Roadshow with Lauri the 55 year old, but I have not had more than a 5 minute conversation with a girl in her twenties in a very long time. Because of this, I was very excited to be living with Justin's girlfriend Alex. Boys are great, but I missed having conversations with someone who isn't trying to sleep with me. I have also missed shopping, nail painting, and all of those other horribly girly things that I never thought I would miss when I left Richmond.

It turns out that she is also pretty excited about having another girl friend. We immediately bonded over dinner at a dark, kind of gross restaurant that I think we will avoid from now on. Next we went to Laurel Hurst, which is a really cool, really cheap movie theatre where we watched "Micmacs," the new Jean- Pierre Jeunet movie. It is possibly my favorite film of his so far and I left the theatre with a huge smile. Did I mention you can order drinks and food in Portland movie theatres? Well you can, and its awesome.

a scene from Micmacs- go see it- really!

Alex and I now have plans to do yoga together, for her to teach me how to cook, and to engage in many super- girly conversations.

I have my first writing class in a few hours!

Portland- Night #1

Yesterday Justin and I walked the streets of Portland. As opposed to the strong and immediate negative reaction that I had to San Francisco, within minutes of arriving in Portland I felt tingles of goodness. It was exactly what I was hoping for: a big city that feels like a small town. 

Justin and I stopped at a great bar called Roadside Attractions and caught up a bit. The last time we had a lengthy conversation was three years earlier, during a time in which we were both abhorrently depressed. Adversely, our latest conversation was full of laughs and the exchange of funny stories. After the bar we walked a bit more and met up with a friend of his names Luke, and ate some Thai food. Luke has the most incredible handle bar mustache I have ever seen. I am equally fascinated, impressed and horrified by it. 

Justin had to record shortly after eating, so Luke offered me a motorcycle tour of the city and a visit to the world famous rose gardens (how could I refuse?) We unfortunately arrived a little late in the day/ year to see the roses at the height of their brilliance- but I ended up getting a few really wonderful/ frightening flower shots with my awful flash.

a view of downtown from the gardens

another view of downtown 

After we left the gardens, Luke took me on an extended tour across three bridges so I could get a good look at all of the downtown lights. It was indescribably beautiful. 

I like this place. I like this place a lot. 

en route to Portland

Mount Shasta

Ashland, Oregon- a sweet, slow little town with

really interesting street performers and 

plants on rooftops

Tomorrow: Portland!

pictures!

I was a bad photographer when I was in Forestville. I didn't take very many pictures, and hardly any digital. Here are some of them:

The "Rocky" Side

The "Sandy" side (this side made me nervous)

View of the Lodge

Fort Ross

Mark at the little house

View of the beach from the road

Olivia in one of her many hats

Lauren, one of the many cute kids I sold copious amounts of candy to

A forced photobooth picture with Kathleen (look, I am a blonde now!)

outside of the Lodge on my last night of work

everyone outside of the Lodge

Lauri, Peanut and I

Hop Kiln Vineyards

The Lodge! (my work)

My home.

illuminations

I went back and read most of my old postings, and they all seem rather morose. I decided that the only times that I feel like writing on my blog are when I am feeling a little down, hence the pessimistic undertones of it's entries. SO, I feel the need to clarify something:

I am on the adventure of a lifetime. This is the most exciting thing I have done/ will ever do and I am having the best time doing it. Yes, there are times when I question it all, but hey, I question everything. This journey is the single best thing I have ever done for myself. From now on I vow to continually thank myself for being brave enough to do it, and to not waste any one minute of it.

I mentioned to someone via facebook chat earlier today that sometimes I felt like I am just wasting time waiting for something to happen. In all actuality, this is the first time in my life that I am not just waiting for something to happen, I am actively searching for an opportunity to make something happen. Also, this is certainly the most fun I have ever had wasting time, if that is in fact what I am doing. I wonder if any of this makes sense.

new (and revisited) inspirations...

NEW:

1. Opening scene to Midnight Cowboy
2. Laura Veirs
3. Stellar Jays
4. Vick's Vapo Rub
5. Alice Munro's short stories


REVISITED:

1. Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine ("if there was a better way than it would find me")
2. Grits
3. Dawson's Creek
4. The Rape of Europa
5. Lauri's paintings

Still Stuck

I have spent almost day on skype with Katherine watching the sun change the shade of the blanket covering my bed. 

I am frustrated by my pneumonia.

I am hoping that by tomorrow the wheezing will have mostly subsided and I will be well enough to pack all of my belongings and leave the following morning. 

My eagerness to get back on the road has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of my stay in Summer Home Park. This summer has been absolutely unforgettable. Though I have spoken of them before, I feel as though the characters of the summer of 2010 deserve some more attention:


Mark's beautiful poetry, our shared love of nature, and our unique and pulsating friendship is something like I have not experienced before. Kelly, a puppy dog of a man, was an excellent dance partner and the source of the majority of my laughs this summer (both 'at' and 'with'). Kathleen and Olivia, my thirteen year olds who reminded me that acting like a grown up isn't always necessary. Lauri and Michael and Jonah and Scout, who have become my second family and reinforced my ideas about the necessity of being your own person. Mike, the motorcyclin' bouncer from the city, Kyle, the silent but steady sidekick, Mark Hall, Olivia's "unbelievably gorgeous" brother (Sorry about that, Mark Hall), Kevin, my boss with the laugh you could hear from a mile away, Kaitie, Kevin's daughter who was the only welcoming girl my age, the hilarious Miller boys, the Stephens and their funny entrances with foreign garb, Sue, the ex doobie brother's groupie, and many, many others made this the summer of all summers.

Kevin told me to email him in March to let him know if I wanted to work next year... We will see.

My confidence in this whole epic journey waivers quite often. I occasionally forget why I started this (like now, why did I start this?) and am constantly wondering what I am trying to achieve, and when I am going to be satisfied enough to stop. The only thing I keep coming back to is that I am searching for something, I don't know what it is, and I can't stop until its discovered/realized.

I am still thinly connected to things and people that Virginia owns, but I can feel its grip loosening as each day goes by. 

I wonder when I will have a 'home' again. 

Stuck

I mentioned in my previous post that I am feverish. The fever I am currently experiencing is from the pneumonia that I have probably had for about a week now, but was just confirmed last night.

This means, of course, that I am stuck in Summer Home Park, in bed, for at least a few more days. Lauri is playing mom to me, and letting me stay at her house, which unlike mine contains a real bed, a kitchen, and an indoor shower. Though I appreciate her kindness, this house has no privacy, something that I already sorely miss.

I was supposed to leave for Portland this morning. I used all of this morning's energy to shower, there is no way an 11 hour drive is even remotely possible.

Eventually I would like to write about my last weekend in Forestville, (yes, there were tears) but now it is time to rest again.

i think i need to go back to europe...

I have decided in my feverish state that I must return to Europe. My new travel plans:

Portland --> Montana --> Europe

Sounds just about perfect.